God Commands Americans To Impeach Trump | Facebook

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VIDEO: God Commands Americans To Impeach Trump
[MUSIC PLAYING] Hi, humans. Welcome to The God Show. I think you should know
that I love you, humans. You look great. Have I told you that lately? It's true. You look amazing today. And damn, you got a cute butt. Have you been working out? Because it looks like
you've lost weight. I love you, human. I really do. OK. Let's, get to the goddamn news. [MUSIC PLAYING] It's time to impeach
the motherfucker. OK, so in the goddamn
news this week, like, Trump has really fucked
himself to hell this time. That's right. There was a bombshell
news story that broke that would begin
the impeachment of one Donald J. Trump, worldwide
famous piece of crap. Aha. And the story is that Donald
Trump, in a rambling speech, has blamed his orange
appearance on light bulbs. [LAUGH] No, wait, no-- that's not the one, Gabriel. That's just your
standard hilarious Trump has shit for brains story. Oh. OK, OK-- was it this one? "Kids in cages-- House hearing examines
immigration detention as Democrats push for
more information." Ah, nope. He should have been
impeached for that, too, but no, that isn't
the one either. Hmm, OK. This has to be the one. "10 times Trump may
have obstructed justice, according to Mueller." Ah-- Gabriel, Gabriel, OK-- What? For fuck's sake. I know this is hard
because he should have been impeached for so many things. Yeah. But that still isn't the
right one from this week. Oh, here it is. "Trump repeatedly
pressed Ukraine president to investigate Biden's son." There we go. That's the one. So here's what happened. Trump used $250 million
of your tax dollars to blackmail an ally into
investigating Joe Biden's son so that he could
remain president. The very next day,
after Mueller testified before Congress, an emboldened
Trump got on the phone with the president
and basically said, investigate Joe Biden for
me, or else I won't give you $250 in military aid. Help me look up dirt on a
fellow American citizen. Exactly. Jesus Juul-vaping Christ. Right? You know, if you
can't go one week without a new major criminal
scandal hitting the news, maybe you shouldn't
be president anymore. Can I get an Amen? Amen. Anyway, so then Rudy went
on TV and just straight up admitted the whole
thing happened. Yep. And then Trump admitted it. Yep. And then Trump made up a bunch
of lies about it, as always. Yep. And then said that it
was perfectly fine, and it didn't matter,
and the Democrats are crazy, blah, blah, blah. Well, if there's one thing
that Trump loves, it's lying. You know how you can tell
when Trump is lying, Gabriel? How? That anus on his face is moving. [LAUGH] Wow. So then Trump said he was
immune to criminal investigation of any kind while president. Of course he did. He wants to be a
stupid dictator. But instead he's
just a stupid dick. So at this point in the story,
everyone was freaking out, and no one knew what was
going to happen next. It seemed like once again
Pelosi wasn't going to impeach. All people could
see was inevitable failure, more of what we've
seen over the past three years. And it was sad. So that's when I,
the Lord thy God, stepped in with a divine plan. And what was that plan? My plan was, one, Democrats
impeach Trump in the House. Two, Republicans protect
Trump in the Senate by voting against impeachment. Three, Democrats run against
Republicans in the Senate and use their votes to
protect a treasonous pedophile against them. Four, Democrats take the
Senate and the presidency. Five, Republicans fuck
off to hell forever. Fuck you, Republicans. You know way more
shoes are going to drop between now and election. Just let these senators
protect this fucking criminal. Anyway-- Did people see this plan
that you came up with? Yeah. Yeah. So this tweet went
super viral, right? Super. And Nancy Pelosi clearly saw it
because she spends so much time on Twitter. She's so up with
the social media. And instantly her
mind was changed. Right. So then after a
huge public outcry over the course of a
week from God and others, Nancy Pelosi and the
Democrats decided to launch a formal impeachment
inquiry into all of this. Yes. Smite. Boom shakalaka, shakalaka. Yeah. That's before your
time, Gabriel. Yeah, a little bit. So hey, Gabriel,
are you enjoying the first day of fall-- the fall of Trump? [LAUGHTER] Yes, I am. Hallelujah. This tastes better than any of
those pumpkin spice whatevers. Fuck you, Trump. Seriously, fuck you. Amen. Oh. Got to calm down. And now, a special message
from God to all Americans. Dear Americans, I, the
Lord thy God, command thee to impeach Donald
Trump, in the name of all that is good and holy. For fuck's sake, it
should not have taken you this long to do this. But, hey, better
late than never. Thou shalt impeach
the motherfucker. Amen. The Lord has spoken. [MUSIC PLAYING] Reminder, every other
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Show with a friend. Thanks, humans. See you next time
on The God Show. [MUSIC PLAYING]

Posted 9 months ago in Politics - .